Health

I'm a 40-year-old woman, and I've lived six of those years as an immigrant in Canada. Honestly, it hasn't been easy adapting to this country; I'm here for the sake of my children's future. If I weren't a mother, I would never have immigrated. But as you well know, you always want to offer the best for your children, regardless of your well-being (a serious mistake).

In these six years, my mental health has been dramatically affected. Many factors have contributed to this. In my case, factors such as lack of language skills, loneliness, lack of friends, not being able to work or study due to the number of children I have (six), financial problems, problems with my partner, etc. But I think the biggest issue that affects many of us mothers are that you know something bad is happening to you and you deny it to yourself, perhaps with the desire not to show any weakness to others, but, above all, to maintain that image of a strong and fighting woman in front of your children. You grew up with the idea that just because you're a mother, you don't have the right to get sick, to fall, to feel defeated and weak, to ask for help when you feel like you can't do any more, because if you feel that way, you're setting a bad example for your children, an example of defeat and weakness.

But, as time goes by, you start to feel like you can't take it anymore, you can't handle your life, that life is getting too big for you, and if you can't handle your own life, you can even less handle the enormous responsibility of raising your children. In my case, I had to feel bad to accept my situation and find a solution.

I also accepted that it's not a bad thing to feel sad or exhausted, that for your good and that of your family, you should ask for help when you feel like you can't take it anymore. And contrary to what I said before, it's good for your children to see you weak. They should see you cry. They should know that Mom suffers too and feels like she can't cope. This is for the simple reason that life is like this for everyone. Life isn't all roses. It has ups and downs, successes and defeats, love and heartbreak, happiness and sadness. Life isn't easy for anyone, and showing your children what it's really like is the best example and the best gift you can give them. In the end, they're the ones who motivate you to keep going and get back up again and again. The perfect life doesn't exist, but the positive attitude you have toward it is what makes everything easier and more bearable.

My advice to all mothers who feel the same way I do is that we are not alone. Many of us share the same feelings, and it's not wrong to feel that way. Just don't stay silent, don't suffer alone. Talk about what you feel and how you feel, ask for help, and you will see how, little by little, your life improves. If you are well, your children will be too, and just as you see and feel yourselves, they see and feel your energy.

My life motto now is, “I am a wonderful woman, but I am not Wonder Woman.”