Parenthood

Since I became a mother, I think about my own mother more and more.  She is a very strong and truly amazing woman.

When I was little, we lived in the countryside with my grandparents and uncles.  My father was the first son and also a very faithful farmer.  Indeed, my grandparents wanted "a grandson" badly.  However things didn't work out quite as they expected, and my mother only had a chance to give birth to two daughters initially.  I am the third one.  After I was born, my parents tried again, but this time they even had twin girls!  Eventually, they ended up having six daughters.  Well.. I don't blame them.  Having six children is quite unusual, especially in their generation, but sometimes things just can't be helped.  I am pretty sure that was their best choice at that time.

We were not rich, but my sisters and I were always happy and had so much fun in the farm fields.  I have lots of good memories there that I would never have had if I had grown up in the city.  (I am so glad that I can share those fun stories with my daughter now).

However, how harsh life is!  When I was eight, my father had a car accident, and we had to let him go.  I still remember my mom's desperate face.  I can't even imagine how my mom felt at that time.  Being a single mom of six children at the age of 40.  My youngest sister was only 2.  It must have been like standing on the edge of a cliff.  However, my mother wouldn't give up. She tried to have a breakthrough.

We moved to a big city and she opened up a small cosmetic shop.  The shop went well for a while but, after a big department store opened up, she faced difficulties, just like many other small businesses around there.  Eventually, she had to close the shop.  After that, she tried lots of different jobs.  Running a book rental shop, underwear shop, food truck, housekeeping, dish washing, serving, cooking and so on.  I remember one day I noticed she smelled different (but familiar).  A few days later, I found some kind of business card in her pocket, and body scrub tools in the house.  I finally figured out she had been working as a body scrubber at a public bathhouse.  She must not have wanted us to know.  Even though it wasn't the best job in the world, I knew she lived so hard for every moment for the family.

When she ran a small book rental shop, my sister and I used to look after the store on weekends.  A lot of days we didn't even make 10 dollars a day.  Sometimes we didn't make any money, so we filled up with our pocket money because we didn't want to let mom down.  As time went by, book rentals were becoming dead businesses again.

Even when things didn't go well, she hardly ever had a break.  One day, when I was walking around with my boyfriend in his neighborhood, I saw a familiar face looking into the restaurant.  Suddenly I realized it was my mom.  "Mom, what are you doing here?"  "Ah... it's nothing."  Later on she told me she was looking for a job there.  I felt so sorry because she walked around everywhere to see if she could find a job.

As I got older, my mom told me hidden stories about how she overcame her difficulties.  She said that when she really needed a break, she used to take a night train to the sea after work.  She said she could refresh herself and get courage in her life by watching the sunrise.  Then she used to go up to the temple, pray, eat early breakfast there, and return home by train in the morning.  My sisters and I didn't really know at all, because she used to go to the night market to buy things for the store.

She even ran a food truck for a while.  At that time she hardly had any driving experience.  It must have taken a lot of courage to drive a big truck, but she decided to do it anyway in order to make more money.  She used to drive to a different city selling food, and come back late at night with leftovers.  I remember my sisters and I enjoyed the leftover food, but didn't really know what that meant.

Due to her great sacrifice over years and years, we were able to move to a bigger apartment from a small studio.  My sisters and I have always tried to live right, because we know how our mom lived for us.  Everybody went to university (or college) except for my oldest sister, and we all got jobs.  Now we are all married and each have families.  My mom has 10 grandchildren now!

On the day I left Korea, my mom cried a lot but not in front of me.  She's not an emotional person.  I know she's used to hiding her feelings all the time.  We could hardly speak at the end because I felt like I was going to pour out tears.  I am her closest daughter.

Since I immigrated here last year, sometimes I've had difficulties with different things while settling down.  Some days I have to gulp down tears, but whenever I get weak I think about my mom.  She has always encouraged me.  "You are young, don't give up! You can do anything!  Look at me!"

Living far away from family is not easy, especially when you give birth and raise a baby in an unfamiliar environment.  Sometimes I have to fight loneliness.  I used to live close to my mom and sisters and hang out all the time, so I miss them a lot.  Well, I can't physically hang out with them now, but I can chat with them anytime on the phone.  I am very lucky to have my mother and sisters.

It is certain that there will be more hard days ahead.  However, I know I can overcome difficulties because my mom's words are always in my mind.

It's her 70th birthday next year.  I can't wait to go see her!  I will give her lots of hugs, and say, “I love you!”